Turn That Smile Upside Down
By Cris Italia
The Isiah Thomas Era in New York is finally over, and I can’t figure out why it took so long. This guy has ruined more businesses than President George W. Bush. From bankrupting the Continental Basketball Association, to completely dismantling the progress of the a young franchise in the Toronto Raptors and finally destroying one of the proudest teams in the NBA, the New York Knicks. What did this guy ever do to deserve complete autonomy over a major market professional team?
It wasn’t enough that he embarrassed two future hall of fame coaches (Lenny Wilkens and Larry Brown), so he went ahead and sexually harassed one of his Madison Square Garden executives and even worse let Stephon Marbury, of all players, run rampant. Granted the Knicks were a mess when Isiah took over, but they went from a team that had some edge and toughness and replaced them with soft, selfish and one track minded players that came in with a loser mentality. In four horrific years under Lord Smiley, they have only one top five draft pick to show for it, hopefully this year.
What amazed fans and members of the media this season was that even after Madison Square Garden conceded his sexual harassment suit, even after he fought with Marbury on a flight to Phoenix and gave in to his point guard after his team voted him out of the starting lineup and after every lopsided loss, Thomas stood in front of the world and smiled. That fucking smile… if I never see it again it won’t be too soon. It was as if even though he was the laughing stock of the league he was pretty much telling everyone to fuck off, “I’m a millionaire, go fuck yourself.”
Well it’s finally over. MSG Chairman James Dolan finally awoke from his cocaine induced stupor and decided to bring in Donnie Walsh, who will allow Dolan to go back on autopilot and bang chicks ten at a time during NBA’s All-star weekend. On behalf of all Knick fans, sorry to disturb you Master Yoda, you may crawl back to your swamp in Long Island’s Oyster Bay Cove.
The search begins for a new coach and a new General Manager. I really don’t know who they should hire, but just make sure it’s not a smiley faced fuck who has no drive or hunger.
One final note to Isiah: take that autism pin off your suit; you’re disappointing kids with disabilities everywhere.
Quick Hits:
What’s all this bullshit about players getting offended over Yankee reliever Joba Chamberlain pumping his fists after a big out? You have guys who are overpaid and overrated making millions of dollars crying about a kid who makes less than a million a year striking them out. If you’re pissed about his fist pumping, here’s an idea: do what you’re getting paid to do and hit the fucking ball.
More proof that the NHL is going gay. When was the last time anyone hit Pittsburgh’s Sidney Crosby and got away with it? The kid’s good, but the best players can take their lumps and keep playing without the help of referees trying to keep them safe and sound.
Incarcerated football player, Michael Vick joined his prison football team and you have to believe it was at the urging of the corrections officers. Those guard versus prisoner games should be interesting. Just another way for them to beat a rich black man down.
Any takers for Barry Bonds? Going once, going twice … Nothing?
Plea to Brian Skinner
By Cris Italia
We need Dennis Rodman back desperately.
Recently Phoenix Suns’ forward Brian Skinner decided it would be “cool” to dye his goatee half blonde. I get trying to be different and wanting to develop an image you can market, but does he realize he’s Brian Skinner. Nothing he does will ever make him marketable.
The brilliance with Rodman’s wacky hair colors and getting the Bulls’ logo bleached into his head or former Knick forward Anthony Mason having messages or advertisements buzz cut into his hair, was because they were actually good.
Skinner started his career with the Los Angeles Clippers in 1998 and has spent the next eight seasons on seven different teams. His career scoring average is a paltry 5.1.
Maybe I’m being too picky here. There is so much in the NBA to rip on: Stephan Marbury’s new Mike Tyson-like persona, Eddy Curry getting gagged and robbed in his home during the off-season, Kobe Byrant’s realization that he really does need Shaq to win games and of course those degenerate gambling referees. Skinner isn’t even a bad guy. He’s actually one of the NBA’s model players, which makes the dye job even more confusing. Just play your ten minutes a game Brian, leave the gimmicks to the guys who need to cover for something else.
Quick Hits:
- Marbury goes AWOL and I can’t say I’m surprised. After forcing himself on a Madison Square Garden intern, calling his wife a whore on NBC and finding God, he has enough keeping himself busy. Basketball, as always seems to be the furthest thing from his mind.
- New York Rangers winger, Sean Avery gets accused for making fun of Jason Blake’s cancer before a game versus the Toronto Maple Leafs. During the team warm ups sources said he made some comments which caused Blake’s teammate Darcy Tucker to react by lunging for Avery. Tucker and Avery have a long history of hate for each other. Since when does a guy have to make fun of cancer to get into a fight in hockey?
- Free Agency season in baseball is now upon us and everyone wants to know where A-Rod is going and for how much. He’ll get his money, either from the Dodgers or Angels, but A-Rod will find himself bored out of his mind one night and get caught looking for trannies on Ventura Blvd. Damn that Manish Woman fetish!
The ‘Gay’ NHL
By Cris Italia
"This game is gay now," said Philadelphia Flyers left winger Donald Brashear after being ejected from a game against the New York Rangers on March 2, 2006. I’m now sure if “gay” is the appropriate word to use in this situation, but Brashear certainly made a good point about a changed game.
“You can't even do anything anymore,” he says “They changed the game to favor the superstars. You can't do anything anymore to set some respect out there.”
Respect. That was Brashear’s job before new rules and stricter penalties became part of the National Hockey League last year. If someone messed with a star player on his team, Brashear would let them know that this kind of behavior was not acceptable, usually by knocking them to the cold ice surface with his fist.
I’m not saying that the NHL needs to be a violent sport in order for it to succeed, I like a fast passed, high tempo hockey game, but what I don’t like are ten penalties called on each team during a game. Without a doubt, some things needed to be done to draw more interest to NHL. The long time fourth major North American professional league has seen its ratings sink to all time lows getting beat out by Arena Football and Olympic Curling. Curling, ladies and gentleman, for all of you that are not familiar it’s like shuffle board on ice.
So what does the NHL do to make their game more attractive? They call a ton of penalties on marginal infractions, they open up the ice a bit by eliminating the red line, allowing two line passes. I like some of the new the rules, but what I don’t like is taking away a role that has long since been a tradition in the NHL. That is the role of an enforcer. A guy like Brashear can set the tone of a game with a bone jarring hit or picking a fight with another team’s tough guy, just to get a crowd back into a game. Every great team has had one. You go down the list from Marty McSorley to Tie Domi and Bob Probert. Every team needs a guy that can scrap and turn things around with just a couple of jabs.
Maybe Brashear went a little far with his “gay” comment, but here’s a guy that finally said something about it. The physical play of the NHL has been missed. You rarely see a guy going hard at the net, giving goaltenders a nightmare of at time. Instead you see powerplay after powerplay and a ton of slapshots from a distance. Teams are afraid to cause traffic in front of the net, because of interference penalties and checking penalties that were never called before.
My solution? Go to a wider ice surface. Keep the game the way it was, but make the ice surface the same size Olympic and European hockey is played. This way you can still have the physical play and the speedy superstar can still allude defenders because he has more room to work. You’ll have a faster game, more open ice hits and a league that’s not so ahem… “gay”.