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 Don't
let the odd title or horrendous cover art fool you. Trinkets
is another 60 minute comedy masterpiece courtesy of
everyone's favorite sexual deviant, Jim Norton. God,
what a vanilla fucking intro to this poorly written
review that was. Get ready for more mediocrity, folks!
The CD begins with Vinnie Brand's patented speech
impediment, introducing Jim to a huge ovation from a
packed Stress Factory crowd - the majority consisting
of mutant Opie & Anthony fans.
Jim wastes no time and right away plunges into
current events. Mind you this was recorded in
September of 2003, so bits about the DC Snipers, The
Blackout, and Arnold's bid to become Governor of
California were hot topics at the time. Jim begins by
attacking the stupid 1300 French people who died
during a heat wave and how the US should have helped
them. This segues beautifully into a "Blackout of
'03" routine that covers everything from how
stupid Mayor Bloomberg is, how bad old people smell,
and ends on how Jimmy experienced erection
difficulties (while fooling around with a special gal)
during that famous day. After describing his limp dick
as a "moist, pink slug," he jokingly covers
up his inadequacies by telling his woman "Hehe,
it's a blackout - nothing's working!"
The crowd is electric, giving Norton a huge laugh
after every punch line, followed by a monstrous roar
when he blurts out a perfectly timed tagline. This was
his hometown, in front of his raucous hardcore
fans...a perfect environment wonderfully captured for
us listeners.
Norton continues his momentum and seamlessly barrels
into how Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is such a
self-centered sickness for selfish scumbags. "Why
can't one hot girl have an obsessive compulsion and
jam a finger between my cheeks, and tickle my bag? Why
can't that be part of someone's illness?"
Another highlight happens when Norton flubs the word
"Hudson River." Instead of letting it go, he
points out his mistake and how he's going nowhere in
this business. "Christopher Reeves has a brighter
future in kick-boxing than I have in standup
comedy." This leads to several great Reeves jokes
that the crowd groans at, which annoys Norton, causing
him to tell everyone to eat his ass.
The rest of the CD tackles issues concerning racism,
ethnic pride, white douchebags who use the
"N" word, interracial relationships, awful
television, nervous tics, being molested as a kid,
& of course loads of patented self deprecation
inserted in between.
He also manages to bust out his classic "Legless
Old Lady" at the airport routine that still makes
me laugh no matter how many time I've heard it
already.
In typical Norton fashion, he winds down his stellar
set talking about his quirky kinks. At one point a
female audience member offers to go on stage and piss
on him, pointing out his love of "yellow
discipline." The banter between Jim & the
lady is hilarious, one of the few interactions he has
with the crowd. Jim gets back on track and out of
nowhere declares his love of big pussy lips on a gal.
"I'm not talking a little big. When you're
wearing panties, I want it to look like a chimp's
face."
The spectacular debauchery continues as Norton picks
apart the production involved creating donkey fucking
porn, and an individual's psyche when starring in a
German scat film. "When you're laying there, and
someone is about to drop a fiber-y zeppelin on ya...is
there a moment when you kind of run through your whole
life and wonder 'How did I wind up here?'"
Norton wraps up his fantastic performance by
suggesting silly things a gentleman can do when going
down on a gal. Stuff like making noises, maintaining
creepy eye contact during the act, and perhaps the
best way to get revenge on a certain annoying
woman...I won't quote it here, but it's so fucked up
& funny, it's worth buying the CD alone.
The album itself ends with a bonus track, a voicemail
left by Jim's mother explaining how she's worried
about his addiction with "ladies of the
evening." The audio clip is a gem that was
thoroughly analyzed when Opie & Anthony first
returned on XM Radio.
The CD audio quality is the same as Norton's debut
album, Yellow
Discipline. It's mastered a little low and
there's a humming sound which is caused by the Stress
Factory's smoke eaters. Yes, fellow New Yorkers, you
can still smoke inside New Jersey clubs & bars.
Overall it sounds great, better than the majority of
independent comedy CD releases.
Once you get past the odd CD cover, the booklet
contains many pages of artwork submitted by his fans
through a contest first announced on this site. Some
are good, most are horrendous, and Norton himself
writes a hilarious description for each piece. Very
cool stuff indeed.
The big sell:
If you're a fan of Norton, Opie & Anthony, or good
comedy in general, it is essential that you purchase a
copy of this disc. Norton is a legend in the making,
doing things on his own terms, and has never once
compromised his beliefs. This CD is the 2nd in what
will hopefully be many releases from him. If you've
seen Norton perform as of late, you know he has tons
more material that can easily fill a 3rd album - a
credit to his genius writing ability.
So click
here and order one now, and an uncut British
monster named Paul will quickly send you a copy.
-Patrick
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