Billed as an angry Nick & Jessica meets Insomniac, "Rich & Bonnie" is a reality based program that delves into the often chaotic lives of standup comedians. The show follows around the first couple of comedy, Rich Vos of Last Comic Standing fame, and his then fiancé now wife, Bonnie McFarlane (who recently had an HBO special air.)

The show begins with a montage from Last Comic Standing 2, where the sparks first flew. Vos was a celebrity judge, while Bonnie was one of the contestants. Vos explains how he took advantage of his position and hit on Bonnie immediately by asking if she's like to spend some time at his house. Quicker than a premature ejaculator, Bonnie slammed Rich back by telling him she'd "rather be homeless." Who knew that the tall, model like girl from Canada would fall for the midget-like dwarf with skin cancer?

Cut to a wonderfully edited, montage style opening, featuring clips of both performers on stage, holding hands, squeezing each other's asses, etc., all set to a punk rock version of The Partridge Family's "I Think I Love You."

The journey begins in NYC at roughly 7am, where the couple embarks on their first road gig in lovely Erie, PA. Rich explains how Bonnie has never really done road gigs, and how damn depressing they can be. After driving all day & night, they finally check into an atrocious Ramada Inn @ 2am. Upon immediately opening the door to their room, Rich points out what a crack den the place is.

We join the couple bright and early the next morning where they complain about how shady the accommodations are. Vos mutters "If you put a black light to this (blanket), you'd find more DNA here than under John Gacey's porch."

Off to Junior's Comedy Club we go, a mom & pop style comedy club ran by a husband & wife team. Oh joy. Bonnie & Rich tell the owners they checked out of the hotel, due to the "AIDS." The couple is then given a list of rules they must follow, including a no cursing, no blue material mandate. If any of you are familiar with both performer's acts you know that's merely impossible. Bonnie asks what they consider blue material and she's told to try to keep it PG-13. "Our saying is, you can bring your Mother, she may blush, but she'll be back." The owners explain how Erie is a conservative town and how they try to steer clear of sex talk. Vos is faced with a dilemma, but like a trooper he agrees to go on.

My favorite part of the pilot comes next as Vos tells Bonnie what he can't do on stage, all while enjoying the local scenery. "All my blowjob material is out the window. All my racist stuff...I can't do 2 fingers in the ass, I can't do having sex with my grandfather...I can't do I like a girl with asthma sucking my dick...or the drinking cum out of my grandfather's ass with a straw bit..." and so on. Vos continues to rattle off what he can't do, while Bonnie points out how beautiful the area is.

The 2nd segment begins with the couple being awakened at 6:30 am to do a local radio show. Welcome to Rocket 101, Erie's home of Rock! "Sweet Home Alabama" leads into Rich & Bonnie's interview. Bonnie talks about how Rich proposed to her on Valentine's Day at a Best Western. "He handed me this big box, which I immediately knew what it was...then he tells me 'You don't have to say yes if you don't want to'...then he lays down on the bed and I start hyper-ventilating. It was terribly romantic."

The DJ's ask if they like it in Erie thus far, and Vos bitches about how they aren't allowed to curse. "I have a wedding coming up, so every night on stage I tell myself 'Don't get fired, don't get fired. We need the money."

We then learn about what complete opposites Rich & Bonnie are, as they slam each other verbally:

Bonnie: "He's Jewish, I'm pure."

Rich: "She's a liberal, I'm rational."

Bonnie: "I can read..."

Rich: "I'm funny"

It's lunchtime now, at Calamari's Restaurant, an outdoor eatery. A hostess points out what they call a "vagina tree." Sure enough it's a huge tree with a pair of big pussy lips that rivals Lisa Lampanelli's musty camel toe. Bonnie describes how Erie is supposed to be such a conservative town, yet the first thing they are shown is a tree with a l'il pussy on it. "When you call the head of tourism for Erie, that's the 3rd place they tell you to go."

Next shot shows the hilarious couple backstage, a mere 20 minutes before show time. Both are stressed out over whether or not they can keep it clean. The show begins and the MC is, you guessed it, the co-owner/wife. The pussy whipped husband even introduces her as "my wife & partner." Bonnie feels sick, and rightfully so.

Bonnie is introduced, but before making it on stage, she is pulled aside by the husband and once again reminded that she can't curse. Of course seated right up font is an old couple that looks like they belong in a Pepperidge Farm commercial. Bonnie busts into some wedding material that the crowd eats up. The first tense moments occur when Bonnie talks about the new wife-killing epidemic. "Remember the good ol' days when the men used to just beat us up?" The crowd howls while the old couple seems unfazed. Undaunted, Bonnie goes into her bit about when she was a horrible porn actress, and how un-fresh her crotch was. She wraps up and mentions how there were no problems, but she's worried about Rich.

As soon as Rich gets on stage, he does Amtrak quiet car bit, and lets the F word fly. The owners look rather shaken up by his actions, although the crowd is roaring.

The 3rd segment begins with Vos still on stage. He tells the crowd to loosen up, and then pulls aside one of the camera crew members. Vos looks into the cam and mentions how the audience is very white & uptight. "The first comic, a black guy, was allowed to say anything because they're scared to death of him. But the second he crosses the street in front of their car (Vos motions locking the car doors)...That's all I'm trying to say. I'm gonna go back to my show & teach these crackers a lesson."

As stated many times on this site in the past, Vos is a master at working the crowd. He points out a 16 year old boy and asks his Mother if she still does the laundry. He then asks if his socks are all stuck together, while the owner bites his nails. Vos plows on and gives a profanity filled rant about "dumb French-Canadians." Rich manages to keep his integrity intact, while the audience rolls with laughter. His set ends with a standing ovation, and approval by the owners: "The crowd loved them and we'd be excited to have them back."

Score one for the good guys.

Rich & Bonnie drive back to the hotel, where Vos pleads for some action. We see them frolicking around in bed, where Bonnie suddenly bumps her noggin against the headboard. Bonnie plays dead while Vos points out "Good, now I got her where I want her." The lovely couple begins kissing while Bonnie suggests they say the curses they weren't allowed to on stage.

We're then treated to a sneak preview of "Next Week's" episode, and it appears to be a dandy. It's Rich's birthday and he invited some of his close friends out to dinner at Morton's Steakhouse. Familiar faces such as Colin Quinn, Bob Kelly, Jim Norton, Patrice O'Neal, Keith Robinson, & Opie are shown busting each other's balls. Drama ensues as there's not much room for his party, and Vos is worried about Patrice's expensive eating habits.

Unfortunately the powers that be at Comedy Central decided not to pick up the pilot, but I am sure another network will do so. The concept is fantastic and executed wonderfully. The finished product is masterfully edited, visually appealing, and manages to tell a chapter in the story of both performers. We deserve to see what life is like for a standup comedian on the road, especially a couple as great as Rich & Bonnie.

Plus I really wanna fucking see that episode at Morton's Steakhouse.

CringeHumor.net Rating:

This show is better than drinking cum out of your Grandfather's asshole