Many Special thanks to BlueFlame for transcribing the debate

Robert Kelly: All right this is what I say we do. I say we interview Dan
Naturman. Okay?

Patrick: You going to be involved with this? There's a big, there's a big
controversy going on...

RK: I'm going to announce this, you just stand right there

PM: Oh okay

RK: Hey Keith come right here Keith. Keith! Keith! Robinson I know you hear
me stupid! Um. Dan Naturman, I just want to get the record straight here,
Dan Naturman has been put on the hacks page of cringehumor dot net. And
I as Robert Kelly don't believe this is fair, because I don't think he's
a hack. But the people over at Cringe Humor, their version of a hack he
actually seems to fit. And this is the debate and their here to jew it up??
tonight. We have the two parties at hand. Fat rat toothed Pat and
Jewy Jew Jew Dan is here tonight. Dan how are you doing?

Dan Naturman: Fine thank you.

RK: You doing' good?

DN: Yes very good very good

RK: How does it feel do you uh how does it make you feel to know your on a
hack page?

DN: Everyone is entitled to their opinion. In this case the opinion is
wrong, but they are entitled to it. I don't pay much attention, I wasn't
familiar with the web site but people kept bringing it to my attention. And
umm that's the problem with the internet is that anybody gets to voice their
opinion. I liked it better in the old days.

RK: What was the old days?

DN: Where only the rich and powerful could say what they had to say.

RK: Well I want to know what what is your definition of a hack, why do
you think
Dan is a hack?

PM: It's four categories...

RK: Do me a favor, try not to eat the microphone you hungry ass.

PM: We have four categories on the site. We have regular hacks, we have
sellouts, we have has-beens, we have people that simply suck. I never
attacked Dan's material, it's his delivery I didn't care for. I didn't know
at the time that isn't not a character blah blah blah. He really talks like
that he really acts like that.

RK: Acts like what?

PM: Ending everything with "Am I rite? Am I rite?".

RK: What is that? Put a word to that.

PM: Put a word to that with what?

RK: I don't know, annoying jew. What's the word your looking for?

PM: I have no idea. I'm just lumping comedians...

RK: Don't back peddle now you fat...

PM: I'm not backpedaling. I'm lumping comedians with bad delivery, unless
you know, I don't care for your delivery with fucked up material. Like we
have Wanda Sykes on there, we have Joe Rogan on there, Kevin Meaney.

RK: We're not dealing with them right now, we're dealing with Mr. Naturman.

PM: Lot of people love them, lot of people don't think they're hacks.

RK: Right.

PM: But we just (stumbling over his words)...the site visitors submit people
that they don't like. And that's what it is.

RK: Who submitted Dan?

PM: I did.

RK: Who did?

PM: I did.

RK: So..

PM: I seen him three times, I didn't...

RK: So can we not, can we not bring in site visitors submit shit and Rogan
and (Patrick starts to defend himself) WAIT A MINUTE I'm speaking. Stop taking
the focus off of you, you scared bitch. All right. I know Dan's fat lips are
really starting to scare you. But listen to me, aight its you. You didn't
like Dan's material. He annoyed you with the "Am I rite? Am I rite?" like the
Vlasic pickle guy. And you threw him up on the hacks page. Now do you
think maybe, maybe you were wrong about being a hack? Maybe it's just that
you don't like him? And maybe you couldn't, 'cause there's a lot of comedians
you don't like that you just don't put on the site. Right?

PM: I think its just different definitions of hacks, you know what I mean?
You guys have yours...

RK: Hey hold that thought one second. Excuse me, do you think Dan Naturman
is a hack Keith Robinson?

Keith Robinson: Naw Dan definitely is not a hack man. Dan is a straight up
comic man. He's in the trenches, with the rest of us.

RK: Do you think he's funny?

KR: I think he's very funny. I still think he's out in Vegas, but I think
he's very funny.

RK: Okay, that's okay how do you feel about that Patrick? Do you...

PM: I never questioned his material, it's just his delivery I went after.

RK: All right...

KR: That's the charm of Dan. That's the charm of Dan.

PM: I understand. At the time I thought it was a character though. I didn't
know him personally.

KR: That is Dan.

PM: Dan's a good guy, I mean I'm not you know, going to bullshit you.

RK: What do you think of his comedy now?

PM: I still don't appreciate, not appreciate, I still don't like his
delivery in stuff. It still, it grates on my nerves.

RK: Now, Dan how do you feel about that? Somebody saying that?

DN: Well the first time I heard my voice on tape I didn't like it either
so...I heard and I was horrified.

(Robert laughing)

KR: This is what makes Dan the greatest. This is why he's the greatest.

DN: Yeah made me cry, be honest with you, but I was horrified.

RK: What made you cry about it?

DN: No it was awful, its like, that's not even like what is that? That's not
an accent, that's not...what is that? It's ridiculous.

RK: Really?

DN: Yeah but people but but umm, it often annoys them, and that's ya know
whatever I mean and I guess that's his opinion. But but...I...just, he's speaking for all of Cringe Humor dot com. He makes it sound as though all of Cringe Humor and all the fans got together and said "Well Dan Naturman should be on the hack page." If it was just him, that's why we're
having the vote to make sure so that the people speak.

RK: The people should speak on you.

DN: The people are speaking and I think they are speaking favorably. 'Cept
at last count I was up by several several percentage points in the
polls. I think I was up seventy percent...

RK: Yes...

DN: err fifteen percent...

RK: Yes...

DN: or twenty percent.

RK: Well there's still eighteen people who think you are a hack out there.

DN: I'm still not happy about those eighteen percent, but I I dunno you
could be...what was your name by the way?

PM: Patrick.

DN: Oh Patrick, I dunno maybe maybe he's...You know Patrick is I dunno
he could be manipulating it somehow. But umm I...

RK: Don't you think if he was manipulating it'd be actually around fifty
eight say your a hack and only eighteen say you're not.

DN: That's a good point, so that's a good point.

RK: Don't you think so?

DN: Yeah he's probably not doing that but umm I dunno who those eighteen
percent are but uh...for all I know ten people even look at this site, and
its like two votes to eight. Ahh you know but...

RK: You wanna be taken off the hack page Dan?

DN: I guess so, ya know.

RK: Do you want to be taken off the hack page?

DN: I..

RK: Be honest Dan.

DN: Well the people the people are going to vote on that so we'll see what
they say and...you know I guess I would prefer to be taken off the hacks
page. You know. I'm not sure how many people look at this site, view
this site. If its a significant..

KR: SLAM HIS SITE! That's what you were gonna do. Don't (blahblahblah) Dan

DN: Well I...

(Everyone talking at once)

KR: ...Cringe Humor.

RK: Say it Dan.

KR: That's what you said. Don't say "Oh I don't know how many..." that's too
polite!

RK: You go Dan.

KR: They called you a hack, go back at 'em.

(Everyone talking at once)

DN: Well my point is I don't know what this site is. You know I I hadn't
heard

KR: What you should say is FUCK Cringe Humor dot net. SAY IT!

DN: No I don't want to say that ummm, I don't know anything about it. But...

RK: You're really nervous of Patrick and his, and his power on the internet.
You think he can ruin you on the internet.

DN: No no I don't think he could...

RK: I want you to look at his head, look at his torso, and that little small
hat on his head. And then look at his baby fang teeth that he has up front,
that he has no money to take care of. You understand this guy can't ??? you
in anyway what so ever on the internet. Do you understand that?

DN: I understand that but I'm not angry because, you know there's a lot of
ignorant people in the world, and I can't be angry over everybody that's
ignorant, has an ignorant opinion.

RK: Oh so your calling Patrick ignorant.

DN: Well I think he is..in this case yes. He's he's I think his opinion is
ignorant in this case.

RK: You do. How do you feel about that Patrick?

PM: We just all have our own opinions. I never attacked his material, I just
don't like his delivery. I just think he's...

RK: So you're racist.

PM: I'm not...

RK: You don't like Jews.

PM: First of all dummy, that would be anti Semitism not racism you stupid...

(Keith laughing like a moron)

RK: Did you say, did you say anti Semitism?

KR: Which is a form of racism.

RK: It's a form of racism.

DN: Whatever it is, lets not get bogged down, lets not get into semantics.

RK: Ohh what is it?

DN: Semantics. That's not the point. The point is you're accusing him of
judging me on the basis of religion or ethnicity.

RK: Are you performing tonight?

DN: No no I'm not performing.

RK: So so, right now I think you and Patrick are you pretty much okay with
each other as people?

PM: I never hated him.

DN: I never hated him, ya know, I don't know him, he's all
right I guess.

RK: Now what if, what if you lose this hack thing and you wind up being a
hack forever on that page?

DN: Well I'll be a hack on that page...who cares, you know I'm a hack on
that page. I'm sure on many many other uh um pages and umm sites I'm not a
hack at all so.

RK: Lets not get carried away now. I'm sure there's plenty of...if you write
Dan Naturman Hack, I'm sure google will come up with hundreds of little,
little cache pages that we can look into. But the fact is we're dealing with
this one Dan. We're dealing with this page. Now, now if he wins this, and
he's, you have to take him off the hacks page, are you going to put him on
the regular page? Or are you just taking him off the site forever and that's
it, good riddance to Dan. Or are you going to give him a little clout and be
like hey you know what, Dan Naturman, here you go.

PM: You know what, I'll promote his shit, but I won't... I'll take him off
the hacks page but that's it.

RK: So he's done?

PM: I won't say a bad thing about him unless something tragic happens.

RK: Lemme...haha

PM: Like if he has a nervous breakdown in the Last Comic Standing house...

RK: Well, let me ask you a question. Do you think maybe you could
come down and take another look at Dan one night and on a good night
like a Friday or Saturday?

PM: I never attacked his material.

RK: Answer the question fat boy.

PM: Yeah

RK: Come back and give him another one?

KR: Bob, ask him, I want you to ask him Patrick, the, okay you say that his
delivery is hack. Did you say in your, on your page, that you liked his
material, but you thought his delivery was hack.

PM: I said that he has potential but his delivery...

KR: No that's not what I asked you. Did you say his MATERIAL is FINE but his
delivery is hack, on your page.

PM: I didn't say that specifically, no.

RK: You have permission to treat the witness as hostile.

(Keith laughing like an idiot again)

KR: Hey Bob...

RK: Well alright, here we are, this is the end of the little interview here
with Dan Naturman and Patrick from Cringe Humor dot net. The only thing we
can do now is we've heard both sides. Dan doesn't want to be a hack, doesn't
consider himself a hack...uhh Patrick still doesn't like Dan's humor and
still uhh thinks he's awful. And his delivery just really grates on those
two sensitive front teeth he has. And I don't think we've solved
anything here today. I think that they may even go on to say hi to
each other in passing. But we're going to have to let the people decide
on this one. And Dan I think you've got a good shot at getting off the
hacks page. But also you've got a good shot at getting off the page
totally. So, like they always say, even if its negative publicity, its good
publicity. So maybe you did a bad thing here. Maybe you should have
stayed on the hacks page a little longer until Patrick came around. You
know what I mean? Or maybe you could have gotten some candy bars and coaxed
that fat nothing into taking you an putting you on the web page. That's all
it takes. You know that right? Why do you think I'm on the page? You get
him some Oh Henry! bars and that asshole will do anything. So you're just
gonna have to go and vote. I suggest vote no hack for Dan, but you can
go vote yes hack for Dan. They close on Saturday, and we'll know Sunday
and I say good luck to both of you.

PM: I'll post this debate on the hacks page so people can get a clear
definition of what the site is all about and the hacks.

RK: Whatever the fuck that means, we'll do that too. Dan would you like to
say one more thing?

DN: I just feel confident going into this vote that umm you know that the
voters will do the right thing and that we'll come out on top. So you
know it's on to the voters, to the voters to do what it is they do. And ya know....

RK: But you do admit that your voice is annoying?

DN: Well it doesn't sound annoying to me but I have heard it on tape and
videotape and it really isn't tolerable. There's no question.

RK: But the material is good.

DN: But the material is very good, very good material and umm if you can get
beyond the voice, which I do agree is a little outrageous.

PM: That's all I...

RK: Can you, can you say one thing for me?

DN: Yeah go ahead.

RK: Can you say that that's the best tasting pickle I've ever had?

DN: All right, Robert Kelly's a bald fuck.

RK: Can you just say it one time?

DN: Ahh

RK: Come on be funny, ass

DN: That's a good tasting pickle, that's all I'm going to say about it.

(Robert laughing)

RK: All right that's it, hope you guys enjoyed this, take care, Cringe Humor
dot net, Robert Kelly Live dot com wazzzup!