CringeHumor

First time I saw Patrice O’Neal was at the old Boston Comedy Club over a decade ago in New York City’s village. His stand-up made an immediate impression on me. He was a larger than life character with a larger than life message. He was intent on leading a sexual revolution for men and take back the power so many men had all too easily given to women. I know that sounds shovenistic and make no mistake Patrice was that, but god damn he was a genius at explaining why it was righteous. I had become a fan from that first night and not too long after I returned to the village to see Jim Norton and Patrice among others perform at the Comedy Cellar. On this night I had a long time female friend with me. Up until then we had always remained just friends and never thought about consummating a relationship. As we approached the steps of the Cellar there was Patrice holding court outside talking to every single person that walked by.

My female friend was very attractive, maybe that’s why I never thought of her as someone I could be in a relationship with. She was way out of my league. She immediately caught Patrice’s eye and he started to break her down. He started by asking simple questions from: “where are you from?” to “who’s this dude next to you?” and eventually he starts to press her on what she likes in bed. She played coy, but Patrice had her right where he wanted her. At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I wasn’t offended I explained I was just her friend. So Patrice continued until it finally came out. “You should be fuckin this dude right here,” he says bluntly. “You’ve been thinking about it for a long time, but you’ve been waiting for him to make the move.”

He turns to me:

“What the fuck you waiting for?”

“We’ve known each other for a long time, it’s not like that,” I replied.

“Man this chick is primed. Both of you need to give in to temptations, its the right thing to do.”

I turned to my friend and her face was beat red, but there was no denial coming from her. The back and forth went on for a few more minutes and then the show started seating. The whole time there was discomfort, we were both thinking the same thing. Patrice had read right through both of us and as I watched Norton, Ben Bailey, Keith Robinson, Patrice and Nick DiPaolo grace the stage at the cellar I couldn’t stop thinking about what Patrice said. I still had hesitation, but not long after my friend and I acted on Patrice’s advice.

Years later when I worked with Patrice on a pilot, I said “Hey man I’m sure you don’t remember, but one night…” He cut me off and simply said “You’re welcome.”

“But how do you even remember,” I asked.

“That chick was fly, I don’t forget. I was getting ready to bust on you about it. I was waiting for that Thank you.”

MISERY LOVES COMEDY

Patrice O'Neal with his wife Vondecarlo and Robert Kelly during the filming of Misery Loves Comedy. A few years back Patrice O’Neal was part of a pilot we filmed called “Misery Loves Comedy” about five comedians who use misery, past addictions and their dark outlook on all things to be unmercifully funny on stage. I was just making the transition from a journalist to a producer. There were certain things I had to learn on the fly one of them was how to deal with talent. Admittedly my approach was not where it needed to be and what you learn in this business with experience is how to get the most out of the talent you work with without making them feel like they are actually doing work.

We loved our project and were willing to go to any length, but being naive to think that everyone would just go along with everything we wanted to do was wrong. Hence Robert Kelly and I had some differences. We got into it one night and after a heated argument we had to be separated. As the project progressed Patrice got wind of our fight, the incident could have turned anyone off. As a producer it was irresponsible of me to go down that road with Bobby. It should have never came to that. To Bobby’s credit he was extremely apologetic in the following days, but Patrice felt he needed to break it down for me. He took me aside one night and spoke to me for what seemed like two hours about why Bobby was angry and how it was avoidable. I was hesitant at first to accept the way things should be, but Patrice explained:

“What you saw was Bobby angry now, Bob from 10 years ago would have never even let it get to words. He was always seconds away from snapping. Now Bob in 10 years from now is gonna be a chill dude. So you need to know how to deal with someone. It’s not something he wants to do, he’s not looking for a fight, but if you come at him a certain way it can’t be helped.” 

Coming from a world where fighting was the answer I understood Patrice immediately. I also appreciated what Patrice was doing. ]He knew the project needed both of us and wanted to make sure I could relate to a situation in a better way. Till this day I always think about that conversation because it’s made me work with talent a whole different way. When we decided to start managing comedians, I dissected that conversation further and made sure to look at all angles of an entertainer and what their thought process is. Patrice was insightful and what he offered me that day was invaluable.

Working on Misery Loves Comedy was daunting, but getting the chance to work with Patrice intimately has proven to be fruitful all these years later. In addition to the life lesson, Patrice was a pro to deal with. He gave us everything we needed and believed in what we were doing, but when he felt like we were veering off the way things should be he called us out for it. “I’d never come visit Bobby,” he said while sitting in Bobby’s living room. “I’m trying to explain to them that I’d never come here because of my own self-centered selfish reasons.”

Patrice explained comedians don’t want to see what people have so he would never come to Bobby’s house. He was doing so for the sake of the show.

There were so many funny moments throughout shooting:
- His abuse of our boom mic operator who he called Mr. Furley.
- He took a liking to one of our directors and would simply call him “jew.”
- The infamous calling you over to his car only to raise his window trick. Patrice loved doing that to people. We saw him do it to at least three of us. We fell for it each time.
- A scene in Bobby’s bedroom, Patrice is laying down on Bobby’s bed, his wife Vondecarlo laying next to him, Patrice starts to proposition him into getting involved and eventually getting Bobby’s wife involved.

For as much ball breaking as he doled out he took everyone for Chinese food at his favorite spot in Jersey City. He spent the whole dinner asking questions and getting to know the crew. He wasn’t just asking questions like “where are you from?” Patrice got deep with every member of that crew. By the end of it he knew everyone’s life story, wife and children, what their goals are and what makes them happy and sad. It was special to watch how much care he put into giving a shit about the people that were filming him. Up until that moment the crew had reached their limit. They weren’t sure how much more they could take from Patrice, but when it was all over he was their favorite.

A PRO’S PRO

Some of the best moments with Patrice of course were when he graced the stage at a Cringe Humor Show. I’ve must have watched Patrice live over 50 times, but for some reason, Patrice would be at his best at our shows. One night during a show at Carolines Patrice was scheduled to close it out and do 20 minutes. He went on for an hour and a half. When it was over I thought to myself I’ll never see anything as good as that again.

But he’d go on and continue to amaze everyone. During a show in Woodbridge, NJ it had all the makings of what might just be a crappy show. Patrice questioned the venue set up, didn’t like the area, felt as though the audience really weren’t there to see him. Within minutes Patrice had the place roaring with laughter. He did two hours that night.

After every show no matter how annoyed you might have thought he was, Patrice would always ask: “You think everyone was satisfied? Did I do enough? Are you guys happy with how it turned out?” I was always surprised to hear him ask those questions. He knew he killed, he had to right?

The last thing I’ll say about Patrice is he was genuinely loyal. The people that believed in him and supported his career he was always grateful to. During filming, before and after shows he’d express his appreciation for what we were doing in comedy. Told us how important it was to keep our brand going and that comedians like himself always had a home. Over the years he had struck up a close relationship with our founder Patrick Milligan, any time Patrick wasn’t around for a show or for shoot days, Patrice would ask, “where’s Patrick, how come he ain’t here? Is he ok?” People that didn’t know him always felt like he was this unapproachable guy who only cared about himself, but that wasn’t true at all.

I spent the weekend listening to a bunch of Patrice’s appearances on the Opie and Anthony Show and realized how much I’m going to miss his voice. That loud and obnoxious voice that was usually accompanied by some ball busting comment. I’m going to miss the abuse… how crazy is that?

He did leave pieces of him behind. Elephant in the Room is a great comedy DVD, you should watch that. His upcoming CD, Mr. P is on pre-order for iTunes. He also left behind friends that will keep his legacy going, Jim Norton, Keith Robinson, Rich Vos, Colin Quinn, Dane Cook, Kevin Hart and so many others. He influenced so many more, Joe DeRosa, Big Jay Oakerson, Dante Nero, Harris Stanton… too many to name.

They will all continue to keep his comedy alive through theirs. People have said that his genre of comedy has become a dying art, but thanks to Patrice he has done more than his part to keep it alive.

RIP.