CringeHumor

Well that was a long and unexpected hiatus. I really can’t pinpoint what caused me to stop maintaining Cringe Humor. I guess I just grew tired of the bullshit, but then again this as always been a hobby for me, and I ended up getting rather involved in it.

I was mainly tired of the politics of the NYC comedy scene. I was tired of playing the game and ending up being fucked anyways. Yes, I realize many people in my shoes have dealt with much worse, but it all ended up being an absolute headache for me. I realized I could never get ahead.

Why would I want to continue to waste my time, and most of all money to help promote comedians and this style of comedy when it all fell on deaf ears? There are so many petty people in the NYC comedy world, it’s like being in grade school all over again. Everyone is so focused on what others are doing or saying instead of focusing on their own shit. I understand it is human nature, but the extent of this behavior among performers is ridiculous. 98% of comedians are cunts. They are phony, fragile babies that need to be coddled and told they are great and funny, and if not, they will go out to LA where they will receive the proper treatment and have more smoke blown up their asses. Then they will get their dumb show, or be on a VH1 panel, and all will be right in the world.

Truly funny, honest, and genuine comedians are swept under the rug in favor for friends of club owners/bookers/agents/managers, etc. I hate to use such a hacky term but getting ahead in the NYC comedy word is truly a case of who you know, and who you blow. If you fit a clique or look a certain style, please surround yourself with similar comedians. That way you can do tours, release DVDs, and probably end up on Comedy Central as they celebrate bland, soul-less performers that talk about wacky shit or reference cool things in their act. God forbid they should open up about themselves and talk about how fucked up they are.

Don’t get me started on the sad state of comedy clubs throughout the NYC area either. Poor innocent people are dragged into the clubs off the street, and subjected to an awful fucking product on stage. This is all caused by unfunny hacks being given prime stage time because they promise to put asses in seats. What’s the best way to get stage time when you can’t earn it by being funny? Start you own show!

Yes, I understand comedy clubs need to make money, and they do so by overcharging for their drinks and shitty food. Those who run the clubs have no integrity on the product they put on stage in front of their logo. They have no pride. They don’t care that these tourist victims will NEVER come back to their room because they saw awful comedy and paid wayyyy too much for some watered down booze. Oh and they will tell everyone they know about it, too.

Be sure to strategically place your barkers throughout Times Square and promise them 5 minutes of stage time. Make sure they tell the tourists that they can see acts from Comedy Central, HBO, Showtime, etc. but we all know they won’t be performing on the show you’re trying to fill. Maybe even throw in a picture of Seinfeld or Chris Rock, because they performed at your has been room 15 years ago. That will really impress the rubes now won’t it!

Now of course there are always exceptions. Comix, Carolines, Gotham, & the Cellar always come to mind, as they have managed to weather the storm of over saturation in New York City, but even they are beginning to out price themselves. Oh and how they love to play politics by telling performers they can’t promote appearances at competing venues, and even going as far as having them sign no compete clauses within a 50 mile radius! Isn’t that wonderful? You have a comedian booked to do a show for you in Bumfuck, NJ, but you can’t mention him/her because they signed a contract for their weekend at Comix 2 months later. Now you are fucking over the mom & pop company that wants to bring these acts out to their neck of the woods, and you are fucking the comedians out of money because they often have a door deal, and they end up looking like assholes for not helping out.

What these club owners don’t understand is that unless you are dealing with guys like Seinfeld, Chappelle, Rock, you are not dealing with household names. I wish the general population knew who Patrice O’Neal is, or Rich Vos, or even Jimmy Norton, but sadly they are not at that level yet. You assholes are all wasting your time. You will maybe lose out on 3 people if they saw your precious headliner do a 15 minute spot at a competing club a few weeks before. Please just keep on fucking as many people as you can. It’s the business, isn’t it?

So, where does Cringe Humor go from here? Well these days I have nothing to gain and nothing to lose. Again, I tried to play the game and it backfired in my face. I compromised what little integrity I had left, listened to people who promised me bigger & better things if I did what I was told, and of course it was a huge waste of time. Perhaps I am now a bitter has-been, but again, I am just a fat creep with a website. I love how comedians are so impacted by what is said on this site and my new goal is to call everyone out on their bullshit.

More bridges will be burned. Nasty emails will be sent. Threatening voice mails will be left for me. Face-to-face confrontations will happen at the Olive Tree…and I can’t wait.

Let the fun begin, assholes.

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