This page will contain information on comedians we have deemed to be awful. This was formerly known as the hacks page, but due to some issues on the definition of a hack involving some comedians, CH decided to change it to a more general title.
"Awful Comedy" will feature comedians we think suck. An Awful Comedian can be categorized several ways. Here are some examples:
Traditional Hack - A comedian who steals other's material, or talks about played out topics that are past their prime
Hasbeen - A performer who peaked during the 70's, 80's & early 90's and still does the same safe material we've all grown to hate
Network Sellout - A performer who leaves the full-time stand up profession to focus on acting in terribly bland sitcoms or Disney movies
Simply Awful/Sucks - A performer who regularly bombs, or eats it on stage. This can happen regularly, or at large venues (like Caroline's for example) opening for headliners
Ethnic Garbage - A performer of a different ethnicity whose material is based around his/her race. Dat Phan for example.
Racial Garbage - A performer who relies on Black & White material to point out the difference in race
Gimmicky Hack - A performer who relies on silly gimmicks or props
Female - If you like the cringe style of comedy, then odds are you don't find many female comedians original or funny. The whole male/female, I'm fat, PMS & cute sex jokes are regularly hashed out by hundreds of uninspiring comedians with vaginas
Is there a comedian you simply think fits the above criteria who isn't featured here? Be sure to let us know, and tell us why you think they're awful. Either contact us or post it here on the forum. Just keep your description free from any physical threats to save me a fucking headache.
If you are on the hacks page, or a friend of yours is, go fuck yourself. Contact me directly instead of bothering other people in the business, you pussies.
Lisa Lampanelli
Categories: Traditional Hack, Female
Description: Imagine Don Rickles with hideously misshapen breasts. Her whole "I love black cock" gimmick could actually work out, if you didn't take it seriously. She sucked on the Hugh Hefner Roast, and has the sex appeal of Bea Arthur's rectum.
Website: InsultComic.com
Dat Phan
Categories: Simply Awful, Ethnic Garbage
Description: This hack's total act consists of one awful accent. He relies on his cultural heritage to get laughs. If he wasn't Vietnamese he would have no act! we can tell by your eyes and flat face that you're Asian. No need to remind us every damn seconds you're on stage. Stick to LA and be a middle until the day you kill yourself in shame
Website: DatPhan.com
Carrot Top
Categories: Hasbeen, Simply Awful, Gimmicky Hack
Description: Well, this fella won our first ever "Vote for the next hack" poll by a landslide. Carrot Top is without question the definition of a hack. He's so awful, he's made a living out of being awful.
His silly & unfunny props have been entertaining throngs of retards & network douchebags for years now. Maybe his next prop will be a bullet through his own temple live on The Tonight Show.
Website: CarrotTop.com
Wanda Sykes
Categories: Female, Network Sellout, Racial Garbage
Description: This is one "comedienne" who bridges gaps. Not only does she appeal to minorities who like the "white ppl so crzy" humor, but she also appeals to women who like the "my boyfriend likes to have sex when I'm on my period" humor. She also starred in her own show called "Wanda At Large" on Fox where she played a sassy black woman trying to make it in a lame white man's world. If you never thought you'd get sick of the word "jackass," you should definitely check out this horrible comic before her show gets cancelled (next week).
submitted on the CH Forum by Lamby
Dennis Blair
Categories: Simply Awful
Description: I saw this guy open for George Carlin and it was the worst 40 minutes of my life. What do you get when you roll George Carlin from the early 90s and Stephen Lynch into one comedian and remove any sign of talent? That's right, you get Dennis Blair. From his "sidesplitting" parody songs about the Clinton family (to the tune of The Flintstones theme) and Monica Lewinski references to his jokes about the sound quality on 8-tracks (I swear), there is absolutely nothing enjoyable about this man's act. And for some reason, his impressions sound nothing like the person he is trying to imitate. His "Arabic terrorist" sounds more like "Brooklyn Italian" and his "Bill Clinton" sounds more like "Al Gore." I don't know why this is and I don't care to find out.
submitted on the CH Forum by Lamby
Hood
Categories: Simply Awful, Ethnic Garbage
Description: A really shitty ethnic hack, whose material is all based on him being Iranian. Audiences groan whenever he lifts up his shirt and reveals explosives. If your act requires extensive prep time & duct tape, you should be tied up with that same duct tape and raped. This gag was worth a chuckle or 2 when he first did it right after 9/11, but 2 years later he is still relying on it.
If that wasn't hackish enough, he makes fun of his own name, and does an impression of the bad guy from Karate Kid 2. Maybe one day he will accidentally strap real explosive to his smelly camel body and rid us all of his awful humor.
Vinny Fallon
Categories: Simply Awful
Description: Oooof! He could be one of the worst comedians I've ever seen. If you hear the mc announcing his name, run out of the club immediately to save yourself from 10 minutes of pure torture. I had the displeasure of seeing him open up for Robert Kelly at the Stress Factory a few months ago. Here is what I wrote about Vinny in the review:
"A fella by the name of Vinny Fallon made his way to the stage to a sparse reaction. I have been to dozens upon dozens of comedy shows over the past few years, and this "comedian", Vinny, was perhaps the worst performer I have ever seen take the stage. I'm not one to judge any comics, I don't have the balls to get up on stage & perform, but jeepers creepers - he was the worst.
His material was weak & very hackish. His delivery was even worse, as he sounded like Kermit the Frog and would never slow down & shut up for a second or 2. He also resembles a fat John Denver - in fact if they were to dig up Denver's bloated maggot filled corpse and put him up on the SF stage, it would have been funnier than the comedy vortex we were all sucked into."
George Gallo
Categories: Simply Awful
Description: What is it with the Stress Factory featuring such god awful openers for their big time headliners? Is it some type of strategy where you will appreciate whoever is headlining even more?
Anyways, I was unfortunate enough to see a gentleman by the name of George Gallo open up for Jim Norton. George is like Jim Carey, that is if you stripped Carey of all his fucking comedic talent. Gallo opened his set up doing a silly alien like dance, as we all sat there in DEAD silence. It didn't get any better as his silly & physical tomfoolery made his 10 minute set seem like an eternity.
Maybe his next impression can be a hack comedian falling onto a machete, as the crowd cheers on in delight.
Note: I exacted revenge on this douchebag after he assaulted us with his shitty performance. After he left the stage he walked behind us to go to the bathroom. I yelled out "George?!" and he actually stopped and said "yeah?". All he saw was the back of my head as I didn't even acknowledge his existence. If you are ever subjected to a hack like him again, this is a great equalizer. Oh I also got him on the way out of the club too
Website: http://georgegallo.com
Charlie Viracola
Categories: Simply Awful, Gimmicky Hack
Description: Comedians should not have gimmicks. But some of them do. They're easy to spot, as bullshit often shines bright in the world of comedy. Like swirling nuggets of crap that refuse to go away, they somehow manage to last longer then their welcome, and rape the collective IQ of the weak minded sheep that flock to their shows.
Charlie Viracola is a gimmick comic.
I know this because, whether I've seen his set on television, or heard it on the radio, I've noticed this pathetic little mongrel spouting the same jokes under the same guise again and again. His gimmick is one of absurdity. The very unoriginal vehicle referred to as "Planet Charlie." All of his jokes revolve around laws that dictate the life on this planet, and with each the crowd ROARS with laughter.
Further proof that this man is only as good as his shitty gimmick need only be presented in the form of his official website, aptly named ... www.planetcharlie.com.
But it doesn't stop there! Even more proof is on display through his online resume. He's been a fax-in writer for The Tonight Show. Need more be said? How about the fact that he's the real comedic mind behind the endless parade of unhappy I-hate-myself madness that is Carrot Top, acting as the fugly redhead's Head Writer since '94.
Don't blame Carrot Top, it's really all Charlie's fault.
Don't be fooled by this hack's gimmick, or lazy, hippie delivery. He sucks in the worst way comedians can suck. He sucks sideways.
Website: PlanetCharlie.com
submitted by Brodie James
Jay Mohr
Categories: Hasbeen, Network Sellout, Traditional Hack
Description: This hack, as I'm sure you saw on Last Comic Standing, was probably the wrong choice for a host of anything comedy related. He is a has-been, for his awfully unfunny stint on SNL. After seeing that, I don't know who in their right mind would let him back on television. Network sellout for trying to find the funniest person in America. He failed. He failed miserably and should be taken out back and treated like Old Yeller.
Upon catching part of his Comedy Central special it seriously made me wonder what I had done wrong as a human being. This was an hour of stolen and poorly reworked bits. The bit that stuck out in my mind was his massage bit. Seems like not only does he share an agent with Robert Kelly, the agent gives him Robert's acts.
And I'm pretty sure he could fall under the female category, simply for the fact Jay is a massive cunt. He is second, only to Lisa Lampanelli.Website: www.jaymohrlive.com
submitted by BlueFlame
Don McEnery
Categories: Simply Sucks
Description: Take any comedian from the late 80's - early 90's, give him a Jimmy Buffet "Parrothead" look, add material that wouldn't make someone with down syndrome giggle, and the result is Don McEnery. I google'd "Don McEnery" to learn more about him, and his biggest accomplishment was writing the heart-warming Disney film "A Bug's Life." Stick to writing cute & safe little family movies instead of polluting places like Carolines & The Comedy Cellar with your unwitty drivel.
Typical west coast garbage with no topical material and any sense of the current comedy scene. Not that I am saying he should adapt., but his material peaked during Pac Man fever.
Demetri Martin
Categories: Gimmicky Hack, Simply Sucks
Description: The newest member for the awful comedians page is the poster boy of alternative comedy, Demetri Martin. For those of you who don't know Demetri is, you might have recognized his act when Mitch Hedberg did it years ago.
Or if you're older like me, Steven Wright.
Demetri is a smarmy, too cool for the room, alternative comedian that can be seen in hipster coffee houses & other non comedy venues across the country.
He often relies on a playing a guitar to enhance his shitty act, while pandering for applause breaks after each of his jokes.
Martin will often pick apart & analyze inane topics like rock, paper, scissors, drinking straws, pissing into pools, naming vegetables, etc.
Heaven forbid he should have a soul and talk about his life, what he hates, what he loves, pain & suffering, & so on. Instead he opts for the thiking man's route and hits us with a barrage of chin stroking bits that are more predictable than a porno movie.
The fact the Comedy Central is throwing him money to develop programs, shows how clueless and out of touch they are with comedy. They opt for the easy & safe alternative route, not realizing that the majority of their programs don't last past one season. God damnit, do I miss Tough Crowd.
There's also reports that Steven Spielberg is buying a movie script off of Martin. Apparently Spielberg is no longer interested in making compelling films, and is drinking Martin's kool-aid. Maybe the script is about a boring hack comedian that one lines his way into America's heart.
So enjoy your 15 minutes of fame, Demetri. Hopefully with all the money you'll be making, you take up a drug habit and rid the comedy world of your awfulness. Then you'll really be stealing from Mitch Hedberg.
Kevin Meaney
Categories: Hasbeen
Description: What a whining loud cunt Meaney is. Seriously. Rosie O'Donnell on a megaphone is more tolerable than seeing him perform. Seeing him in his stupid suit & tie, doing safe material that tries to be a little risqué while being clean, makes me want to vomit.
I will admit though, Meaney getting arrested at a San Francisco Airport after his big whining cunt mouth got him in trouble with security, was comedic irony at its best. After videotaping the airport (just weeks after 9/11), and then trying to grab an M16 from a National Guard officer, Meaney won a place in my heart as the dumbest fucking hack alive.
Meaney defended his action on Tough Crowd by eluding that he was just protecting his daughter. I guess the armed National Guardsmen weren't good enough for him. Instead of dropping bombs in Afghanistan, we should have let Meaney do his routine there. That's not right!
Website: http://kevinmeaney.com
John Joseph
Categories: Simply Sucks, Gimmicky Hack
Description: Mr. Joseph is a comedian my mother would enjoy. She listens to Barbra Streisand, watches Martha Stewart, and her idea of a good time is knitting quilts for underprivileged Mexicans. His good natured antics earned him a spot as Julio Iglesias' opener the past 6 years. Complete with acoustic guitar, his material can be a little saucy, as he has audiences rolling with his rendition of "La Bamba." Instead of singing it the conventional way, he changes the lyrics and sings it "Poppa's on top of your Momma!." The first time I seen him perform that at the Comedy Cellar, my ass nearly fell off from laughing so hard. It that wasn't enough, he also does improvisations to his music. Near the end of his tour de force set, he will pick on audience members. I nearly had a male miscarriage when he pointed out the people going to use the bathroom. He's so brilliant, he doesn't even rhyme his lyrics when on the spot.
John Joseph has a special place in my heart, right next to a clogged artery and some murmurs.
Website: http://www.johnjoseph.biz
John Heffron
Categories: Simply Awful
Description: If it weren't for encouraging families and friends spouting bold faced lies to our faces without so much as blinking, we wouldn't have comics like John Heffron.
So young, so clean-cut, and so incredibly unoriginal, Heffron's routine has evolved from a collection of jokes revolving around quirky adolescent behavior and the dumb things guys do, into a collection of jokes revolving around quirky adolescent behavior and the dumb things guys do in relationships. You know, the same kind of material you can hear told by any dummy at work, or at family gatherings.
It's funny when it's free... but worth a cover charge and a two drink minimum? Hardly.
The worst part, however, is not the jokes themselves, but rather their delivery. While as time goes on, styles will bleed over between comics, when a comic comes out using mannerisms almost identical to a comic who hit nearly twenty years ago, it'll raise an eyebrow.
Heffron's set doesn't just have shades of Howie Mandell, it has buckets! From the hand movement, the jittery A.D.D. delivery, and that hideous lip quiver that inspires thoughts of raping your pet poodles dirty shit hole... all John-boy needs is a latex glove and he's Mandell, Jr.
Its purpose is to make him cute and easily acceptable by the audience. Yuck!
John Heffron is probably a really nice guy, but unless you're looking for a reason to beat your wife and kids, steer clear of his offensively lame material. The world only needs one Mandell... and for some, that's probably one Mandell to many.
Website: JohnHeffron.com
submitted by Brodie James
Ant
Categories: Traditional Hack, Female
Description: Ant is a very openly gay comedian. Hey, if a fella enjoys a cock in their orifices every so often, wear protection and god bless 'em. But if you are an openly gay comedian and your entire act revolves around the fact you are gay, maybe you should get off the stage and go to a gloryhole.
Most of us grew to despise Ant on Last Comic Standing. John Witherspoon called him out and asked why all of his jokes have to revolve around his homosexuality. Joe Rogan even pointed out one of his jokes that was featured in the movie Boiler Room. Then Ant attacked our beloved Rich Vos when he told one of the qualifiers to get him out of the house - after he didn't make the cut.
Listen Ant, keep doing your cute appearances on VH1 as the token gay guy, and please spare us all from your predictable stand up bullshit. I recently suffered through his Premium Blend appearance, and I can still feel my body losing t-cells.
Website: GayComic.com
Carlos Mencia
Categories: Ethnic Garbage, Traditional Hack
Description: Carlos is a Latino gentleman whose act consists of long winded rants about what is wrong with society and how America treats his people. Perhaps if I was a "beaner" (a term Mencia uses every 3 seconds) I could relate to his problems, but luckily I'm not a West Coast douchebag that blames everyone else for my troubles.
Yes, we know rednecks use spics to do their dirty work, yes we know black people steal, yes we've all thought of the stereotypes you spew out and use to come off as SHOCKING!!! Carlos takes pride in telling it like it is, but odds are we already know what he's talking about.
Carlos will often aide his tiresome material by throwing in more hack accents (or hack-cents) than a UN meeting. Didn't we all grow tired of this shit during the Def Comedy Jam days? Haven't we seen enough of pandering ethnic acts who mug for applause breaks?
Over the past few years Mencia’s hackness has become legendary, blatantly stealing from comedians such as George Lopez and the great Bill Cosby. Mencia was called out live on stage at the Comedy Store by Joe Rogan where he confirmed that his real name is really Ned Holness, which begs the question: what about Carlos Mencia is real?
In all seriousness folks, please stop emailing me and suggesting I add Carlos to the site. I am blessed to be entrenched in the NYC comedy scene where novelty acts like Carlos are a dime a dozen.
Website: http://carlosmencia.com
Al Lubel
Categories: Simply Awful
Description: Al Lubel has been an unfunny cancer on the NYC comedy scene for ages now. If you enjoy sweaty, afro-haired Jews with bitch tits, whose voice could lull a hyperactive gang of ADHD rapists to sleep, then Al is your man.
His entire act consists of himself, complete with an awful song that audiences usually eat up & then vomit. If that doesn't have you in stitches, Al points out that if his parents named him Lou, his name would be Lou Lubel (LuluBell get it?) Ugh.
At one point in his act, Al compares himself physically to Lou Ferrigno, without the chiseled physique. Sadly, just hearing Ferrigno speak normally is funnier than anything to come out of Al's mouth.
The next time you are in a club & the MC announces Al, pray it's during the check spot.
Pablo Francisco
Categories: Gimmicky Hack
Description: Ah yes, Pablo Francisco, another comic that people apparently want to see on Cringe Humor. Well folks, you've finally got your wish.
What happens when Pablo doesn't use his arsenal of silly voices, songs & sound effects? You are stuck with an unfunny, witless & repetitive bore that makes Larry The Cable Guy look like Bill Hicks.
After a recent appearance on the Opie & Anthony show, I was reminded how annoyingly unfunny Pablo is. The motherfucker never shuts up when it comes to riffing. All he did was repeat everything O&A said in his tiresome "Movie Guy" voice. It was the first time I had to turn off my XM radio. Even Mario Cantone is more tolerable than him!
It's so great seeing impressionist hacks fail miserably when their voices get boring and they are asked to come up with stuff on the fly. It's happened in the past with Frank Caliendo, and rest assured it happens to Pablo on a regular basis.
Dramatic Movie Guy Voice: "This summer...in a world of awful comedy...A middle aged Mexican with silly voices & no material is set to ruin standup comedy as we know it...One performance at a time...Pablo Francisco plays himself in – Pablo: The Man Of A 1,000 Hack Voices"
Website: http://pablofrancisco.com